I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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