we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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