my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
