about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
