I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
