If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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