No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize