I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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