There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
