it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
