u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
