Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
where am i from again
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
