I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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