I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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