she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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