I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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