I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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