I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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