he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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