A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize