you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
