Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
