We won't sleep together?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
