I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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