When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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