it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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