1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
