Already got asked if we're dating
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just gift wrapped bread.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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