i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
