id be glad to
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
