She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
