Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
