it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
