He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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