So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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