I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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