well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
