I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
