oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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