I wish I could teleport
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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