After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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