New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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