You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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