Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
