My first STD was from a foam party
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
