he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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