True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
