you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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