dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
COCAINE IS GR8
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
