Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
