eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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