What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
