If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
