i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
