just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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