i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
