There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
