i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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