i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
