This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
