Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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