i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
