Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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