I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
