WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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