The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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