You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
