I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
