im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
