i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize