my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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