Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
