I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
