I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
