you traded sex for a burrito?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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