Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize