when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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