oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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