What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I supernannyed him into submission
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
