He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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