ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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