I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
