I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
