I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
