The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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