she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
