I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
