im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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