Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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