I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
