God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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