My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
