i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
