don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
