please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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