turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
