I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
